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Honors Program

It's All About Connections

A Three-Part Thesis to Strengthen Relationships

While senior Honors student Brooke Woolley was born here in Provo, UT, as a young girl she found herself moving all over the country as her family followed her dad and his job in the pharmaceutical industry. The oldest of five kids and four younger brothers, Brooke has learned a thing or two about understanding those who are different from you. “Being an older sister to my brothers helped me learn how to make real connections with people who aren’t the same as me and treat them with respect and love.” When she wasn’t spending time with her loved ones, she spent her time outdoors or sitting down with a good book.

Although she loved her time spent outside of Utah, once it was time for college, Provo was calling her name. She explained to me that growing up, her grandparents lived in Provo and it’s always been a home away from home for her. “I remember I’d climb the tree in their backyard and see the Y on the mountain. I knew I wanted to go to BYU.” For Brooke, BYU was a place she knew she would be able to live as a disciple and scholar, and it was an opportunity she couldn’t pass up.

The Honors Program gave Brooke the chance to get to campus early and meet people in a smaller, more intimate setting. “I started college feeling seen, which was exactly what I needed.” She was grateful for the community she found in the Honors Program and is committed to helping other students find a place of belonging here on campus, one reason she has worked as a freshmen peer mentor for the past couple of years, introducing incoming students to the variety of opportunities on campus - including the Honors Program!

Now Brooke is working on her Honors thesis and looking forward to graduation this spring. When it came time to begin working on a thesis proposal, Brooke knew what she was interested in right off the bat. She explained to me that she wants to become a marriage and family therapist, where she can work closely with individuals. She wanted her thesis to closely resonate with her field of work so she chose to focus on a therapy topic that allows her to examine personal connections. In her thesis, she examines work done by experts in the field of marriage and couples therapy such as John and Julie Gottman and Sue Johnson to suggest strategies that enhance a husband and wife's ability to connect and turn towards each other.

For Brooke’s thesis, her research involved a 3-part process: 1) Finding strategies to increase your emotional connection in a relationship. 2) How that increased emotional connection impacts marital satisfaction, and 3) How this helps couples not get stuck in patterns of conflict. Lucky for us, Brooke shared a few skills she’s found from her research that can help all of us enhance the relationships in our own lives. While Brooke has been studying marital relationships specifically, it’s pertinent for all people looking to increase connection in any capacity. “A lot of these principles are really applicable to a relationship with your sibling, your roommate, a best friend, or a parent, and that’s been really cool to see,” explains Brooke. Here are a few of Brooke’s tips to increase connection and handle conflict in a healthy way:

  • Make intentional time for your partner or loved one. During this time, distractions should be put away so true connection can be fostered.
  • Listen to understand, not to fix. Oftentimes, our partners just need to know that they are seen and heard.
  • Exercise forgiveness. While this one can be hard at times, it’s essential in maintaining a safe space with a partner.
  • Recognize it’s probably not personal. Using empathy and compassion to give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

While these ideas are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Brooke’s research, she’s hoping that the skills she suggests in her thesis can serve as a general guide for couples on how to emotionally connect during conflict, and ultimately grow closer because of it.

For Brooke the thesis experience has been great practice for graduate school, when she’ll conquer another grueling thesis process. “This has really taught me how to do my own research and set up a thesis, as well as be independent in my thinking. It’s been valuable.” Brooke’s also excited to use her findings with her future clients, as well as her own family.

To anyone just entering the Honors’ program, Brooke advises you to have fun and take the time to talk with the people in your classes, because they could potentially be life-long friends. Perhaps we should heed Brooke’s advice; after all, she knows a thing or two about making connections!